Dear Jakey,

Merry 1st Christmas in Heaven my little peanut. Miss Briana wrote that in your card at the cemetery and it brought me such joy. It is all in finding a new kind of happiness now. Everyone kept saying how hard today was going to be and to be honest, I was like “enough already”. But they were right. Last night was hard. It is just not the same – we did all the same traditions but nothing was really the same at all. You needed to be with me. I needed G-Pa and Ethan fighting over who you would sit next to. And then I needed the ultimate Mommy veto which at any moment would have you on my lap. But I am trying to think of this a new way – that you are celebrating Jesus’ birthday with him during your first Christmas in Heaven and that it is actually a fun and beautiful time for you. It is hard to believe the hype on this one though.

Ethan said that when he wakes up he will see if Santa came (he did) and open one present and then we can all get over to see you first thing (in our matching hoodie-footies like yours).  So, see you soon. I love you so much. Stay close to me today buddy. I need you.