Last week I made up my mind that I was going to get in the habit of writing you everyday with a list of 5 things. When I started to write my letters to you, a lot of time I wrote you lists and shared with you all kinds of things. I guess I thought that was a way to keep you connected and I think it has been a while since I’ve done that. I also feel bad sometimes that my letters to you get sort of redundant. I miss you so much that it is hard not to explain all the different ways we miss you every day. So, anyways, I made up my mind to do this and then I sort of froze. I knew once I started I would have to commit and do it every single day. And I even told myself that some days it could be the shortest list ever – even just words or places or whatever. But still I kept putting it off. And I know you hear me when I talk with you all day, so I know you knew I have been procrastinating. And then the weird phone thing started happening – my phone throws itself on to the floor at least once a day. Daddy has been witness to this and this morning we talked about it. He would be the first to think that it is me not taking care of my stuff but even he knows that I am nowhere near the phone when it happens. Anyways, today it happened and I figured it was you telling me to get off my a** and write to you! And then Ethan and I saw the cardinal at your grave and I had to come home and do this ASAP.
So here we go – our first five:
- Shortly after you passed, Miss Bridget told me that she would bring you flowers every month for the rest of her life. And lo and behold she does! It really is quite spectacular and makes me so happy. I know it must make you feel good too.
- Monday was our first meeting for the 2nd Annual Family Fundraiser. It is a bit overwhelming for me because I get so excited about the event but then I get a little taken aback when I remember why we are doing this. I take it all so personally because I feel like the foundation is the only tangible thing I have now. And everything we do with it is so personal. Anyways, the balls are rolling and I hope we make you proud.
- Daddy and I have decided that we will try to bring Ethan to as many JHFH deliveries as we can. He got mad at the last Board meeting that he couldn’t go and he was pretty adamant that since he is your brother he should be involved. We told him when he was about 13 he could join the board but until then he would be a junior member and could help us deliver things. We went on a delivery Friday after school and brought equipment to a 6th grader’s home. She was watching cartoons and he joined her and it was nice for him to be there because so much of it reminds him of you – about how different you seemed sometimes but how on so many levels you really weren’t different at all. And for him to sit and watch cartoons for a bit with Natalie before she tried out the equipment reminded him of his life with you – it was normal again.
- I was speaking to another JHFH family about delivery of an item and the mom was so amazing on the phone. She told me when she got our letter that she explained it to her daughter and that when they said their prayers that night they talked to you and thanked you. It made me so proud.
- It is supposed to be 50 degrees today, Jakey. Isn’t that weird? This winter is pretty much non-existent which I can’t decide if it is good or bad.
As always, I love you more than you can imagine. I picture your face so crystal clear sometimes that I know you must be close to me.