Dear Jakey,
I woke up this morning very very early. I refused to look at the clock because I instinctively knew what time it was. When I finally did look, it was moments past 4:35 and I knew the reason I was awake. It was 6 years ago that you came into my life – well my physical life here on Earth. You had been in my life since the moment I knew I was pregnant shortly after our first visit to the Rock House. I remember that moment walking in our old condo, getting completely and utterly light headed and just knowing. Knowing a test wouldn’t prove it yet but knowing you were there. And then going to stroller strides with Ethan and telling my dear friend, Tracy, my suspicions. It wasn’t too long after that moment that your presence was confirmed and we started on our journey together. You were an easy pregnancy but not without scares. There were more doctor visits with you. I remember being in Marshall’s in Braintree with Ethan and being so afraid that I had miscarried. I had to drop Ethan to Daddy at Mission Hill and get right to the dr. But all was okay – that was our first clue that you were such a fighter. And then when you were breach and we had to schedule the procedure where they try to turn you and possibly a C-section. But then at the very last-minute you turned on your own. I remember sitting with Daddy on our couch and all of a sudden my belly taking on a life of its own. And both of us watching with some sort of shock as you wiggled your way into position. And then as we approached your due date we scheduled an induction to prevent any high blood pressure at the end like your brother gave me. I remember vividly getting ready to go into the hospital. We didn’t have to go in until 8:00 at night so Abue & G-Pa were up. I remember cooking dinner and eating at our big dining room table. I actually miss that condo quite a bit. And we put Ethan to bed – he knew you were coming but at 15 months wasn’t really sure what was going on. And I remember getting mad at Daddy and G-Pa because they wouldn’t stop talking about something not related to me or you and I was getting ready to have a baby! So off we went. And I remember the pitocin and the epidural and all that stuff. And I remember when you were ready, it was only 9 minutes of pushing. It was so quick and dare I say easy? You just knew what to do. And Daddy cut your cord and there you were in my arms. A perfect 8 lb 3 oz baby boy. And we went home May 5th. I was anxious to get out of the hospital and see Ethan. But I also remember wishing we stayed at the hospital for our full 2 nights. We left because we could – you were healthy and happy. You were eating so well and never even dropped weight after you were born. I wish I could go back to those moments though – those moments 6 years ago today where I was just first meeting you and I wish I could freeze time. I wish I could be in that picture from the hospital bed with you in my arms and your brother crawling on top of us both. His love for you apparent in those early photos as well as your strength and resilience. I miss you so much my boy. More than ever as your brother likes to say now. I hope you truly are healthy and happy in Heaven, just like you were 6 years ago today.
Love,
Mommy