Dear Jakey,

Saturday you are turning 7. Not sure how to make any sense of that. I was talking with Miss Briana and she can picture what you look like now. I like the way she described you – kind of like a skinnier Ethan. I think it is probably very true. You looked so much like each other. There are still some baby pictures I need to flip over and read the date to know which one of you it was. And you were so much thinner your last few years. And sometimes that doesn’t make sense to me either because when you were born you weighed more than Ethan and were shorter. You were my extra chubby baby. But now you are almost 7. And 7 is big. And so different from 4 when I last saw you. And it sucks that I can’t really picture you. And it sucks that in my dream last night you died all over. I hope that Heaven is all it’s cracked up to be because you deserve it. I just really wish you were here.