Dear Jakey,

Ethan had such a good birthday yesterday – and I thank you for whatever part you had in that. I think we all enjoyed it and while at times it was painfully obvious to me that you weren’t there, it was all manageable yesterday. And I know Ethan told you this as soon as we saw you, but at his party he broke a board. It was so cool and he was so proud of himself. 

I have taken a break from reading the book on Heaven. It really helped me think of where you are and get excited about our reunion someday, but I also struggled some Jake. I struggled with the author’s interpretation of who would go to Heaven and who would go to Hell. I am not sure it is as concrete as he describes. So I am reading another book now called “Many Lives, Many Masters”. It too is bringing me great comfort as I think about you, your life and our time together. The part I keep re-reading describes what happens after you leave your physical body:

“The soul find peace here. You leave all the bodily pains behind you. Your soul is peaceful and serene. It is a wonderful feeling…wonderful, like the sun is always shining on you. The light is so brilliant! Everything comes from the light! Energy comes from this light. Our soul immediately goes there. It’s almost like a magnetic force that we’re attracted to. It’s wonderful. It’s like a power source. It knows how to heal.”

I love that. It is what you deserve. There is more in this book that seems so promising and optimistic. Either way, Jakey, I know and believe that our time together is not by any means over. It will continue in other ways and I am happy about that. Ethan told me last night that one of the reasons he loves his locket so much is that with your hair in it, it keeps your body close to his. We all feel that way since it is the only part we have left of your physical body. Although I have two of your teeth too and I find myself looking at those a lot too. Just knowing that they were a part of your body  is so precious to me. Sounds weird, I know, but it’s all I’ve got left.

So, my little man – I hope your spirit is warm and happy. And so proud of himself. You deserve the best because the work you did here in this lifetime is remarkable. You’ve made such major changes – your Mommy, Daddy and brother are all kinder, gentler people because of you. And I know you will keep working on us. We love you so very much. I love you so very much.

Forever and ever,