Dear Jakey,
You have a new angel to watch out for – her name is Christina and she was killed over the weekend in Arizona. Her dad was on the Today Show today and it was so sad. Jakey, it was like reliving December 8th all over again. The dad was trying to get to the hospital – just like your Daddy. The mommy was there with the doctors while they tried to save her life – just like me that night. And then he talked about how after she passed and they all were there, including her brother. Jakey, that was without a doubt the hardest moments of my life – being with you in the hospital after you died while there was still crap all over the ER room and it just didn’t seem real, yet it was. I remember feeling outside myself through it all because I couldn’t believe the sounds that came out of me. And I just couldn’t believe you died. It was and still is totally unreal. And it breaks my heart to have watched another Dad tell the same story this morning. So, Jakey watch out for Christina. Welcome her into Heaven and show her the ropes.
I am having a quiet day on the couch. For some reason last night, I got sick and I am pretty sure it is just my nerves. It was like when it happened before we went to the North Pole. It was almost the same thing. So sick – puking and dizzy and just so damn cold. I missed boot camp this morning and cancelled my morning plans. Am hoping I can bounce back soon.
I brought the flowers Auntie Yvette sent me to your grave this morning though and added them to your tree. Ethan and Daddy helped. I’ll be by later to add bird seed. Love you buddy, more than you will ever know.
Love,
Mommy
I wish I could help ease the pain and emotions you are going through. I don’t know how to make your feel better. I read your postings and feel many of those emotions even though my daughter hasn’t passed. I have a special needs daughter who is three years old with cerebral palsy/seizures. I worry about her life each and every day. I have so much guilt and don’t know how to move on. I feel the anguish and see the tears as you type your emotions in your blog. Please know you are thought of and I wish there were words that I can express to make your life better. I just don’t. Although Samantha is alive, I grieve the normal daughter I wished I had.
Please take care of yourself and know that you have people out there thinking about your well-being. Hoping for better tomorrows for you always!!!
Nicole from Rosemead CA