Dear Jakey,
1. For Mother’s Day, Daddy got us Jakey license plates. My car says Jakey and his says Jakey2. It is the best. Everytime I come to my car, it makes me think of you and smile. It its own weird way it keeps you close to us every single minute.
2. Daddy wanted to have all the flowers in the front garden spell out your name. He worked for hours on it and it didn’t quite work out. Next year we will have to cut back some of the hydrangeas and hostas so there is more room. And fine tune our plans a little. But I still love looking at the abundance of flowers and knowing what he wanted to do. And I know you appreciate it and I feel like the garden looks so beautiful this year and you have something to do with it.
3. Rolland from the funeral home is painting our house. He is doing such an amazing job with so much attention to detail and so careful. It makes me feel so much better thinking about how he must have been so gentle and kind to you after you passed. While I know your soul had already left your body, I trust so much that he treated you with the utmost care and respect. I knew that then when he picked you up from the hospital and got you ready for us to visit with you and spend those last few days with you. He made you look so peaceful and just how we knew you to be. Anyways, our house is going to look so good when he is done. It is still yellow, although a little creamier and the accent color is more noticeable. But it feels good to have him around and I will miss him when he is done.
4. I have been thinking so much lately about friendships and relationships. I think of you always and you are still key to those that I keep near and dear to me. And even if I don’t see them often, who I keep close to my heart. Over the last few years, I kept close with those that made me feel comfortable and those I knew appreciated you. I always knew that some could never really understand our life but some people really tried and really loved (love) you. And that always became the real important factor for me. And that continues now. I told Miss Sharon the other day that I can only be around people who I can cry in front of. And that is pretty much true. Which leads me to #5.
5. I want to share with you my thoughts on someone else here on Earth who has been pretty great since you left. It is Miss Kelly. The last two afternoons I spend with her in her backyard. I thought of you a lot because while we didn’t spend a ton of time there I always knew you were comfy there. I knew you liked to be propped on her couch. And in your stroller in the shade by the pool. I kept thinking about it while I was there. And I remembered two summers ago when we were there and your brother ended up spiking a fever of like 104 or something ridiculous. And I had to rush him to the doctor’s and you stayed with her. She held you and kept you safe so I could take care of Ethan. There weren’t many people I trusted you with and she was one of the few. She even watched you once when I had to get my hair done. Anyways, being at her house made me feel close to you. It made me a little sad because I don’t think we went over there last summer. Not sure why but sometimes our days were so full that it seemed so hard to add anything else to it. And as busy as they were and as scheduled as were, I miss that too. I miss making your meals and keeping you on schedule and all the therapies. I miss it all. And my last Miss Kelly thing to share of I had forgotten about until this morning. I was driving past Tunison and there were tons of people outside. The hearse was ready to go and people were getting ready. And I remembered that morning – one of the hardest moments ever (those 5 days were filled with the hardest, worst moments of my life). We had your service at the funeral home. I couldn’t leave from sitting in front of you. People said there goodbyes. They had to close the casket. And we carried you out. You were in the hearse. We were in the limo. And all the people who were following us to the funeral were trying to get in line on Lake Ave. And it was a little chaotic. And that was when Miss Kelly pulled her big white Denali with the U2 sticker into the middle of the road and blocked traffic so everyone could be in line. It was awesome. She misses you too buddy. All of us here on Earth do. A lot.
So much love,
Mommy