Dear Jakey,

Yesterday was amazing. And I know you know it. In the days leading up to it, I was getting nervous. Not about how the event would play out but how I would handle it. The idea that we are doing this in your memory can be so overwhelming. Overwhelming because we are doing it because you are gone. But then the day came and I felt good. And Jakey, your presence and strength was so evident. Everyone felt good about it and you could just feel the positive energy from every single person there. I remember a few times I just stopped and looked and everything was how I had only dreamed it could be – a room full of your people – mostly all the key ones were there plus other people who love you. Some who didn’t know you well in life but knew of you. And friends of friends who joined together to help us help others. And I then became overwhelmed, but in an entirely different way. In a way where I couldn’t really believe that others could be so giving and kind and generous. And happy – because it is all in your honor. So Jakey, we pulled it off. We made lots of money. We had fun. And every single person kept you in the forefront of their minds and hearts.

You turn 5 on Wednesday. I keep thinking about last year. We went to Montreal. We watched the Derby at our hotel. We went on a horse and buggy ride. You were on my lap. We watched Ethan and Daddy fly their Batman kite. We relaxed and celebrated you. We came home the night before your big day  – and you turned four and you got your Believe the Hype shirt. Maybe the best shirt I ever bought. Ethan is holding it now as he sleeps. I remember making you keto chocolate cheesecake and Ethan helping you blow out the candles. I remember you loving the chocolate cheesecake. I remember how alert you were in the crown Cait made you. It all seems so vivid. And you will turn 5, only this year in Heaven. And we will be at your grave. Your headstone arrived today. It made me cry. It is next to your plot. It will be put in at some point in the next two weeks. And we figured out where your bench will go. Oh, Jakey, I miss you so. I still sometimes think it is all a bad dream. And that you will someday be back. I wish it was the case because we are going on 5 months (on Mother’s Day no less)and it just seems like forever.

I love you, my birthday boy. 5 years ago tomorrow I was getting ready to go to Beth Israel to evict you! I remember Abue and G-Pa coming up to stay with Ethan. I cooked dinner and then at 8:00 we went to get ready for your induction. We were inducing you on your due date. The memories keep coming and I can’t believe this is how the story turned out.

I love you so very much!