Dear Jakey,

Today was hard again. They are all hard but some are just so hard. I miss you so very much. Today your absence was just so evident. Ethan was excited to sled in our backyard today. He was so excited to do it all together. Usually, Daddy would sled with him and you and I would cuddle on the couch or I’d feed you or I’d do whatever it is I had to do but I would be inside with you. Ethan was so happy to have me go out too and I loved that. I loved that I could do it and make him feel so good. But I hate the reason why. There are so many more opportunities for me to do stuff with Ethan now. And I try to focus on the goodness it that but Jakey, it is hard. It is so damn bittersweet because all I can think of is why. Why I have more time. Why I can play in the snow with him. Why we can plan a trip for us to go visit Sarena in February. Why I can ski so much more this season. Why I will be able to increase my running distances. Why we can go to dinner whenever our friends get here. I wish it all back to the way it was. When I couldn’t do these things as easily and had to plan accordingly. Life is too easy now yet so incredibly hard. I miss you my little peanut. More than you can imagine.