It is always hard to try to replicate something once its gone. In this case I am talking specifically about the letter I wrote you yesterday afternoon that disappeared into the confusing and annoying world of technology. And of course, in my mind now it is the most brilliant of all my letters and I can never write one as brilliant again. But I will try. I started off by saying that it took me a few tries to actually get that letter written, maybe it was doomed from the start. I had a hard time making it not negative. My head was in a negative place and no matter how hard I tried to make it positive it still was riddled with negativity. And I don’t want that, not for you.
And then I wrote something about yesterday morning. Yesterday morning I helped Mrs. Willard get started with her blog. I was telling her that the more you do it the easier it got. Which is really quite hypocritical of me, since the last letter I wrote you was in February. And it hasn’t been for lack of things to tell you.
Shortly after I wrote you last, we figured out what the pain in my glute and back was. It was (is) a herniated disc. The whole injury thing is so new to me that I have been struggling with it. Mostly because it has made me think so much of you. And how at times you were in so much pain. I can’t stop thinking about the night you broke your femur in bed. And how that pain must have just been so excruciating. And I think about how you couldn’t tell us or complain or anything. And how you just sucked it up. And that is sometimes where my negativity sneaks in because I have little sympathy at times when I should. I get so annoyed so easy sometimes and I have to try and bite my tongue. And now being the injured one sucks even more. I get mad at myself that I can’t do the things I want and I get tired of everyone’s opinions. It must have been tough for you to deal with all of us yet you did it with such good grace, something your mother is still trying to figure out.
The thing about your good grace is that it made you so memorable. As I have been trying to figure out this back situation and not overly comfortable with the recommendation for surgery, I reached out to Dr. Grottkau and I wasnt overly optimistic that he would respond. We loved the way he was with you and how great you did with him as your surgeon. Strangely enough, he not only is in charge of pediatric orthopedic surgery but he does adult spine surgery. I don’t know much but that seems pretty lucky and pretty special to me and I think you have had something to do with it. When I wrote him, he wrote back right away because he remembered you. And because of you he wants to help me. I can’t help but feel better knowing that you are in the middle of this.
I know I wrote a lot more yesterday. But I can’t get it out right today. So I will leave it at that. And as I bring myself out of my post-mother’s day haze and try to join the human race again, I will vow to work on somehow capturing some of your good graces and positivity for myself. And I will blog more, apparently it gets easier the more you do it.
Love you little peanut,