Dear Jakey,

It is funny how things work. Yesterday I was happy, last night I was sad. I found myself sadder than I have been in a long time – the kind of sad where I couldn’t stop crying. I know I do it to myself sometimes but I think on those days where I feel you so close in the light of day, the night is just too hard. It is like it makes it even more obvious that you are not with us. And last night I found myself reading about all these kiddos I don’t know, but who are fighting the fight. And when I read about James in IL and his ear infection that is cleared up in one ear but the fluid still in the other it just about sent me over the edge. That was the stuff for us that was so typical yet so hard. The other stuff I could sometimes deal with better than the cough that was junky or the fluid in the ear. It was the seemingly little things that kept us balancing that line. And then I read about another boy named Tripp who died on the 14th, a week ago. He wasn’t quite 3. And his mother wrote the most beautiful words on the 12th – knowing her son was likely going to die soon. And then Hannah’s mom posted these pictures of her eating ice cream dots. And it’s sad to me so many that know what it is like to have a happy kid, a sick kid and then a dead kid. And that sounds so cold and so harsh, but it is true.

And today we are off to NYC to take Ethan to Blue Man Group. We can’t seem to stay still  – we didn’t with you too much and now it seems like we are moving around even more. And as usual, I will miss you even more – or in a different way –  in NYC. We did a lot there together and it’s not quite the same without you.