Dear Jakey,

Last night we stayed in Lake George. When we got there and I went into the room, I had a total deja vu type thing. In that instant I was looking for you and I would have sworn I saw you – sitting in your red stroller, waiting for me to take you to cuddle. I know we have stayed there since you left us but it just struck me last night. I hope you know how much I love and miss you.

We dropped Ethan off with Abue & G-Pa a little while ago. We leave for Aruba early tomorrow. I am excited but also a little freaked out. It is just so weird. And when I feel too excited I also feel sad. Sad because of why we are able to go. I had really come to terms with not traveling much. And know we can, and we are and part of it feels bad. It doesn’t feel right to look forward to something that I can only do because you died. I know that isn’t how I should be thinking about it, and I know things will be fine. But part of me does think of it that way. And I don’t like it.

So, Jakey, know how much I love you. How much I miss you. How broken-hearted I am. And come with us to Aruba and see what its like.

With so much love,