Dear Jakey,

Yesterday was your 2nd Chrsitmas in Heaven. And while going through all the firsts was definitely rough there is something about the start of all the “2nds” that is also not easy. It just makes it all a little more permanent and with that permanency comes some forced acceptance – you have to begin to really accept how things now are and each day there is less and less of that optimism that things may change. I guess it isn’t really optimism but more like misguided hope – but any rate with the passage of time you just have to come to terms with the fact that it isn’t all a bad dream. And that seemed especially true for me these last two days without you. So many of our traditions were the same as when you were here but we now have some new ones. And to be perfectly honest, the best part of my holidays weren’t in the traditions of Christmases past but in the new things we have done to keep you present with us.

On your anniversary date, Miss Trish left tons of those battery operated candles around your grave. We kept them there, turning the off each morning and on each night. The lights were dimmer and some of the batteries began to die. We ordered new batteries and on Christmas Even changed all the lights. It looked beautiful. And made us proud to be able to do something. We talked to Ethan about going to see you after he made sure Santa came in the morning and after he opened one present. He said the only thing he wanted to open was whatever you gave him. I think that ended up being one of his favorite things last year or at least most important things. Who would’ve guessed that a random decision made in the deepest moments of grief would have been the start of a new tradition? This year Daddy came up with what to give him from you and it was perfect. He has his #1 Brother Lake Placid key chain and I think it makes him feel connected.  Anyways, we bundled up and went over and Ethan brought the card he made you and some ornaments. I brought you a new goofy headband with peppermint swirls – and Daddy said he was sorry to you that I was still making you “wear”  these silly things. But I know that you always tolerated my goofiness and that you still do now.

Anyways, the rest of the day was wonderful – happy and peaceful and I think it was our new traditions with you that got us off to a good start. We ended the day, after Abue and G-Pa went home, with some winter olympic sports on the Wii. Santa had brought us the game and one of them was hockey. Your Mii played with us and Daddy, Ethan and I fought so hard to protect you. As usual, your wii mii was an awesome athlete and you were our super strong goalie  and at least for me, it was a nice ending to the day to have us be a family of four again – even if only as a wii mii family.

Merry Christmas,