Dear Jakey,

Last night I finished “Loving Frank”. What a crazy ending. 90% of the book plugs along and is entertaining and thought-provoking and then the last 10% explodes. It was intense and to a degree, hard for me to read. I can’t read or think about death without making it about you and then about me. It all comes back to you. In the book, the character of Frank Lloyd Wright says the following:

“He wonders if there is some cosmic logic to it all, that those who stand tallest are the ones that lightning finds. But he tosses aside the notion. To believe that would be as wrongheaded as to believe it was God’s retribution. No, it was the kind of bad luck that life deals out at random. ”

I had to read it over and over because it is the thought process that I spend hours each day trying to work through. And each day comes the same conclusion – there was no reason, no justification, nothing that makes your death something that makes sense. And while we plug along, I think we all think of it and try to make sense of it each day. Ethan has been talking a lot about you and he constantly repeats that you “died too soon”. You did.

We are planning a fundraiser/celebration for December 7th which is a Wednesday. It will be exactly one year to the day (not the date) that you have left us. Heath and Jeff offered us a night at Cantina where they would donate a portion of proceeds to JHFH. It could have been any Wednesday in November or the first two weeks of December. Daddy and I talked it over and we thought that the night, the 8th and all those days around are going to suck. A lot. And then we thought that being surrounded by friends, people who loved you and love us and doing something good might be a good distraction. We’ll see if it was a good choice or not. I guess it just comes down to the fact that I hate that you are gone. I miss you every minute of every day and still find myself crippled sometimes because I just never saw it coming. I love you.