Dear Jakey,

Yesterday morning I was driving home from boot camp and in a split second I started to cry. It has been a while since that happened, where I just lost it out of nowhere. And it just struck me with such certainty that you were gone and I missed you. I don’t know if it was the time of day. I don’t get up as early to exercise anymore and I wonder if two Saturdays in a row of getting up at 5:15 somehow struck a cord or if it was just the way yesterday was supposed to be.

We ended up getting our hamster. As we were setting up the cage Ethan and I were getting it all ready and he was struggling with the name. He wanted it to be Muffin but kept being sort of non-committal. We talked about other names he mentioned through the last month and he said no. Finally I asked about Jake because that was what he has initially said the name would be – and his face lit up and he said that was it! So our hamster, even though she is a girl is named Jake Muffin Straughter. We brought her home and we were told she would be scared for a few days. And so far she is, although I think she is settling in well. I like her being named Jake and I like taking care of her.

Tomorrow is G-Pa’s golf tournament. You came last year with Cait. It will be weird and sort of strange being there – they changed its name to the Jake Straughter Memorial Golf Tournament. I am honored and proud but also sort of freaked out. I don’t want a memorial anything. And I don’t want to hear about how strong and amazing you were from a bunch of people who really have no idea. But it is all good and I will play this year. And probably suck – it is not my area to shine under pressure but it will be what it is. And while I look forward to it, I will also be happy when it is over. And it is Tuesday and it is just a regular day of missing you.