Yesterday morning as we were leaving the cemetery before school, Ethan told me that he wished Daddy, me and him were all birds. He wanted us to all be cardinals with you. It was so sweet but so sad all at once. It makes me sad that the only way we could be a family of four again would be to all be birds. And that this is what Ethan thinks about. This morning we talked about it again. And he told me that he wanted to just be with you and fly sometimes. That you and him would be careful enough to be without their mom sometimes. And it made me even sadder because you have been having to navigate this whole new journey of after life and Heaven without your mom to protect you. You are so very brave my boy.
And I miss you so much. The other day I read something Dr. Weiss said which was “We never lose our loved ones. We keep coming back, together and together again. What a powerful reuniting energy love is.” I hope that is true my buddy. I think it is. But it doesn’t make it easy.