Dear Jakey,

It is funny how some days seem better than others. Better being a relative term. Today was better than the last few. I think but am not really positive that I may have had a decent dream about you – and of course, what was it about? Poop. I think I dreamt that I was holding you and noticed that you pooped. I guess you knew how happy that used to make me so it is probably appropriate. Anyways, it was a good day. Ethan started his French class so he had an early drop off (we still made it to see you first) and I went for a run. I am so obsessed with the Rock of Ages soundtrack that it is all I listen to on a run. Then it was time to do Miss Sharon’s workout – she did great but Daniel was not a happy camper. You should help your buddy out next time and see if you can’t help him be a little happier 🙂

And Jakey, I visited with Miss Ann today. She loved you so much and I know you loved her. Your yoga time was so important and I told her how I often told people that sometimes I truly believed she was the only one who could get you to do stuff. So I brought her to you and then we had lunch. I liked being with someone who was so important to you. She misses you, especially Thursdays at noon.

Mrs. Lewis, Ethan’s old teacher from Skidmore, also brought us some beautiful books. Of course, I cried as I read one. It described life in Heaven. And how kind and beautiful and happy life there is. I love that you are free but I also hate it. I hate that you aren’t here with us. I just miss you so damn much. I still sleep with your pillow and your “Believe the Hype” shirt. I may always. I also routinely smell the ski shirt you were wearing on December 8th. It has food stains on it. And it is cut in half from where the EMS guys cut it off of you. I will never wash it because it is the last thing that sort of smells like you.

Jakey, even on good days, it sucks. I try to remember and believe that you are free and happy. But, I just know that I made you happy and so did Daddy and Ethan and your other people here on Earth. Even the hard, bad days weren’t so bad. Life was good – I knew it and you knew it. I hate it when people think that it wasn’t because it was and I know you were happy. And that is why it so hard to not have you here. Because regardless of what others may have thought, our life together  – ALL of it  – I wouldn’t have traded for the world. Even when I said I would trade your good looks for good health, I still loved and appreciated it all.

Til tomorrow my little man – we’re sending lots of love to Heaven.