Dear Jakey,

Over the last few days, I have been thinking so much about where our life is lately. Ethan, in all his craziness, is doing so well. He is happy and getting so big. Daddy is putting him to bed tonight and I was sitting with Jake Muffin and I was thinking about how much he has changed since you saw him last on Earth. The change from kindergarten to 1st is crazy and he is just so funny. His vocabulary is growing and he can be so serious and thoughtful about things but then go right back to being such a laid back fun-loving boy. I have just been noticing so much about him lately and I wish you were here to notice all the change too.

I also caught myself looking at the fridge at dinner tonight. And I locked in on that picture of you in the lite gait at MIPT. And next to that is the card I made to send to people when you had passed. It had that picture of you coming home from your second spica. And I thought about how much I missed you and how much I missed holding you. And it struck me (again) how hard it is that life just goes on here. I was picturing Daddy, Ethan and I sitting at dinner through the years as Ethan gets older and how our memories will be stuck with you at 4. Ethan will be turning 7 in January which all of a sudden seems old. And I just kept thinking of us sitting around that table for years to come and Ethan being a teenager and our memories still being of you as 4 sitting in your chair at the table with us. It just is sad. I miss you and everything about you.