Dear Jakey,

I spent a good portion of last night struggling with so much. One of the biggest parts was how would I be strong enough to write you a letter – I felt so down, so upset and throughout the night all I could think of were horrible, sad thoughts. I was worried to write to you and have you feel bad at just how devastated we are here without you. I know you can see us struggle and miss you but I would never want to hurt you. So, I am trying to think of things to tell you that will help us both. This is what I have today:

1. Jennilee kicked Mommy’s butt in boot camp this morning – she did her hot yoga kickboxing class and made me sweat like a madwoman. It helped clear my head and my soul and at least have some strength to face the day.

2. Miss Trish brought over a book for us called Tear Soup. It came at the perfect time. It is powerful and hits grief and loss on the head. I am going to ask Daddy to read it too. And I will read it in chunks to Ethan.

3. Miss Bridget and I talked on the phone for 30 minutes this morning. It helped.

4. Kir and  Nola in Heaven are helping guide me through this miserable thing called grief.

5. The mail came and there were two more sympathy cards. While I was drowning in them for weeks, yesterday was the first day we didn’t get any and that sort of sucked too. Life goes on and I get that but it was nice to get two cards today – one for us and one for Ethan. Thank you Judy.

That’s all I got for now. Going to finish these xmas decorations once and for all. Going to fill your bird feeder. Going to volunteer in Ethan’s class. Going to go with Daddy to LG. Returns and walmart might have to wait until tomorrow. We’ll see.  Love you more than you can imagine. Have a good day in Heaven my little man.