Dear Jakey,

It is May 1st. Your birthday is Friday. I can’t wrap my head around you as a 6-year-old. It seems so old to me as your Mommy but then it seems so young because your gone. It was just a the last two weeks that I was feeling you everywhere and I hung on to those moments so desperately. I felt you at Bruce Springsteen in such an intense way. It’s only happened a couple of times where I just knew you were there – the first time was at Rock of Ages and this was the same certain feeling. And the cardinal was everywhere in those days. I knew you were at Christopher’s for the delivery. And you were everywhere – at the cemetery, around town. Susan saw you. Karen saw you in Maine. Miss Briana asked you to show yourself to her and you did. Amy called to tell me you were following her. It was unstoppable. And it was awesome. And I love it when you are everywhere. And then the tide changes and it seems like the reality of what happens is so cruel.  And it doesn’t matter what anyone says. Whether they think I am doing better or whether they think I am healed or whether they think I am only friends with people who knew Jake. It is all completely and totally irrelevant because the only thing that is true is that you are gone and every single day is hard without you. And it isn’t just me that misses you so much. Ethan is struggling. He has been having a really hard time with us being out and with sleeping at night. And he comes downstairs crying for you. He just seems a little lost. And it is so hard to know how to help him sometimes.

And this week is mostly all about you. Your birthday and your event. And how much we miss you. And love you.