Dear Jakey,

What a busy, crazy few days. Not necessarily crazy busy but just busy and crazy, if that makes sense? It is almost surreal lately. It is almost like I look for you more lately than in the beginning. Acceptance is so hard. So many times a day I look for you or feel the need to rush home to feed you. It is impossible to really describe the way that feels. Yesterday on the way to skiing Miss Kelly was talking about how she sees me and I am laughing and happy and myself and then she reads my letters to you and is reminded about how sad I am. Or something to that effect. She was a bit more eloquent. Anyways, I have been thinking a lot about that and it made me happy. I told her and Heath how no matter how I busy I am, you can only avoid the reality of it all for so long and eventually I am sad. But what made me happy was that through this I haven’t lost myself (at least not yet) and that means that I have learned from you. I have learned about strength and perseverance and other things that make me a better person. And while I mostly am a sadder version of myself, I am still myself. And whether that is good or bad may be up for debate, I am grateful that you have left me with some strength to be me.

Daddy and I have been super productive with Jake’s Help From Heaven this week. Our application to the state has been entered and if all goes well we will be an official corporation next week. Woo hoo!  We are scheduling our first Board meeting and have a great group of board members. You would be proud. We also set the date for the 1st Annual Jake’s Help From Heaven family fun day – or whatever we will call it. It will be held on Sunday, May 1st at Saratoga Strike Zone (where you just were for Sydney’s birthday party in November) and will include bowling, ballocity, bumper cars, pizza, soda, tokens and who knows what else. All sorts of fun stuff. And you know how I love this kind of stuff – time to write letters, get sponsors and spread the word. Spread the word about you, your bravery and what we will do with what we learned from you. It literally will be your help from Heaven.

Lots of love,