Dear Jakey,

Today was my first Mother’s day without you. It was only five years ago that I had a 3 day old newborn on Mother’s day. But the day is just about over, Daddy is putting Ethan to bed. Daddy did a really nice job of making it the best it could be. Ethan on the other hand was not having a great day. Maybe it was as weird for him as it was for me. Who knows? Anyways, I hate to say it but I am glad the day is over. This whole week has been a lot. And it has left me tired and a little down. I just miss you. And my whole body is out of wack.

Tomorrow starts another week, one with no milestones or holidays. Just regular stuff. And while each day brings so many ways in which I realize how much I miss you and how sad I am, there is nothing as obvious as this past week. And then Jakey, we leave for Aruba so early on Sunday. The last time I was there you were in my belly. And I was half thinking you were going to be born there. It was only February but I wasn’t sure you would stay put. But you did.

I have so much to say and so much in my head but I can’t really get it out. I am grateful for a busy day tomorrow because I feel like it is the kind of day I need. Otherwise I might just want to stay in bed and pretend you were next to me.