Dear Jakey,

I have so much to say to you. It has been a crazy couple days and I never got any time to write you my letter yesterday. I need to figure out how to write on the fly because I never seem to get to my computer anymore and like I said before sometimes I just want to capture what I am feeling immediately and by the time I get to write to you I am afraid I will miss all the emotion.

Yesterday was one of the best days I have had with you since I have had to make a new relationship with you in Heaven. Yesterday was the first day of Miss Sharon’s Couch to 5K program. And then we had coffee with Miss Briana at the house. I gave Daniel one of your silly hats that I used to dress you in – the corduroy and madras one  –  and he looked so very cute in it! I am happy that he will be wearing it. And then Jakey, I went to see Liza and chopped off my hair! It is much shorter and darker. With purpley lowlights. I love it. And the best part was that you were the first person to see it. As soon as I was done, I drove right over to see you and spent time with you until it was time to pick up Ethan.  I loved that you were the first person to see my new look!

At your grave, Miss Trish had left a book called Always and Forever. I know she read it to you but I was so happy to be able to go pick up Ethan and bring him over to you. We sat on my jacket and I read to my boys. It was as good as life gets for me now. I don’t have the luxury to hug and kiss my peanut in person so I need to make the next best thing – and that is feeling you close and still being your mommy by doing things like reading to you and tending to your grave. After we left we made sure your candles were lit at St. Clement’s.

Last night I was reading about Heaven and the pages I read made me cry. I read the following passage out loud to Daddy:

“Meanwhile, we on this dying Earth can relax and rejoice for our loved ones who are in the presence of Christ. As the apostle Paul tells us, though we naturally grieve at losing loved ones, we are not “to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13) Our parting is not the end of our relationship, only an interruption. We have not “lost” them, because we know where they are”

It made me feel better. I like that our time together is only interrupted, not ended. I am just now having to impatiently wait to see you again~

And tonight we are sleeping in Lake George because Ethan starts skiing lessons at Gore tonight. It is weird being here in LG without you, especially since Kate was scheduled to spend the day with you while we took Ethan skiing. I don’t like it much. Ethan keeps talking about you. He really feels you here tonight. We won’t see you until about 1 or 2 tomorrow but I asked Briana to stop over and see you in the morning. She told me she would and that she was planning on it anyways. We all miss you tremendously. Each and every one of your buddies here on Earth.

Have a good night my little peanut boy. Watch over us and we will see you as soon as we are back in Saratoga tomorrow. Keep your eye on Daddy as he hits the slopes. He needs all the help he can get 🙂