Dear Jakey,

Tomorrow your brother will be 8. Doesn’t that seem so old? He was only 5 when you died. And now he is 8. Well tomorrow he is 8. He has been such an extra good boy lately. And such a snuggler. So much so that he has made me think of you a lot lately. He sneaks into our bed at some point in the night and gets so close that I think about my nights with you and how every night I got to snuggle you. I never figured out how to keep you safe and keep track of you without you being in our bed. And sometimes now when Ethan throws his leg or arms over me I think of the way you slept on my arm. And I miss those days so much and I am grateful that your brother helps me remember.

I miss you buddy. I am always happy to see the cardinal around. It made both Ethan and my day to see you the other morning. And the Jake Alexander sightings everywhere are pretty intense. And while it makes me feel closer to you, it isn’t ever close enough. So tomorrow when I bring in cupcakes to Ethan’s class I will remember the times you came with me to Skidmore’s Early Childhood Center for his birthday. And I will know that you are with us, just not in the red stroller.

With love,

Mommy