Dear Jakey,
Yesterday your brother had a moment. And I realized again how your passing has so intensely affected us all. In the midst of what is our normal state of chaos – getting dinner ready for Ethan, telling him to get out of his tae kwon do uniform and into pjs, getting ready for Kate – he tells me that he knows what you do in Heaven. He tells me that he thinks you come back to Earth every night and snuggle with him. What an awesome idea. And I think you probably do. Anyways, I asked if you came to snuggle with me and he said only him! I told him that was okay. And then Ethan said it was okay as long as you were in the house with us. But then it got a little overwhelming for your him. And I forget sometimes that he is only 6 and this is so much to make sense out of. I struggle so much and I am a grown up, I can’t imagine it for a little guy like E. Especially since his life and yours were always so intertwined. Anyways, he went up to put his pjs on and came down in his hoodie-footies. I probably shouldn’t have said anything but I did. I was just surprised and I asked him if he would be too hot. Which of course set him off some. He was mad and sad and just out of sorts. He went back upstairs and I followed him up. He said he just wanted to be like you. And he changed and we talked about how he could sleep with the hoodie-footies next to him. He seemed okay but then went and laid in your bed and cried. And then he wrote in his book. He hasn’t written in the one by his bed for a couple of months but I love that he knew to do it. He hasn’t worked on his grief bubble book too much lately either and maybe he really needs it. He misses you so much buddy. We all do. It just isn’t right without you here. But keep coming back to Earth and snuggling with your brother, he needs it.
Love,
Mommy