Dear Jakey,

I feel bad that my letters have been sort of downers lately. I don’t want to make you sad and I wish I could be sharing some amazing, uplifting moments. But I can’t. I hope in some weird way it makes you feel good knowing how much you are missed. You can’t begin to imagine the impact you have had on not only our lives but so many others. I get emails and cards almost every day about you. And in those moments I am so proud. But then the moment passes and I remember what happened and I just am so sad. We had a quiet family day today. Not really quiet because it was quite busy but quiet in the sense that it was just the three of us. And I realized how much we need the downtime together. Getting used to things as they are. And I noticed how affected we all are by the loss of you. Ethan struggles and cries at the drop of a hat  – sometimes over nothing. And I wonder if it doesn’t have to do with you being gone or just the recognition that life is different. Different that he has ever known. And I see Daddy and I know how deeply he is affected. And I was standing at your grave tonight and just couldn’t believe that this is where our life is now. That we have to make our multiple daily treks to see you at a cemetery. It just isn’t right, Jakey. I miss you.