Dear Jakey,

Life is so weird here on Earth without you. I can’t get used to the idea of you gone. It seems so hard to keep plugging along without you here. It just seems wrong somehow. And while I find some peace in the thoughts that we will meet again – the sheer amount of time we will likely have to wait seems so long, too long. And sort of scary. The other night I was so deeply sad it was almost overwhelming. I couldn’t get past the idea that you were gone and the fear of losing someone else was just too much. It made me not want to do anything and the idea of going to Aruba and leaving Ethan for 9 nights was too much. I still am not really comfortable with it. A week sounds okay but those days on either end have me freaked out. But dealing with life after loss seems to fit the whole “one day at a time” thing – if I get too ahead of myself I can’t do it but it seems more doable thinking it terms of days, hours and minutes.

More later.