Dear Jakey,

At your grave this afternoon Ethan said” Jakey, Ethan is as sad as possible”. That pretty much sums it up. We are all just heart-broken. At sledding today someone told me about something that the doctor who lost his wife and two kids in CT said. He said that his heart had a hole in it with very jagged edges. He imagines that at some point the edges won’t be quite as sharp but the hole will always be there. That sums it up pretty good I think. It still just takes my breath away and leaves me in shock  that I will never hold you again. Or kiss your beautiful face. It is just so weird and sad.

Miss Kelly called me this evening though. She told me that her grandmother died. And she went to see you after she learned. She called to let me know how much you helped her. She left feeling more at peace. There is something about you Jakey – both when you were here on Earth and now that you are in Heaven – that just comforts others. I think because you managed to be so at peace with yourself regardless of what was going on that it rubs off on others. Regardless, you are still making me so damn proud to be your momma. I love you so much my little man. And I miss you so much.

The hole in my heart is big, deep and jagged. I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I hope you know how proud I am of you and how much I miss you.

Sending so much love to you in Heaven,