Dear Jakey,

It is raining this morning and I so wanted to keep you and Ethan home with me and have one of our snuggly “home days”. Now that you are both off to school we don’t get those anymore and on days like today I really miss them. But school is good – you get to play with Beth and today you have PT and OT. I hope you don’t sleep through it all.

I read last night the part in the book where Hunter died. It sucked and I couldn’t stop crying. I honestly don’t know what would happen if we lost you. We would all crumble. You, the youngest in our clan, are the strongest. You are really the glue that keeps us together sometimes. A lot of pressure on you I know. I got up early this morning to exercise and when I left Daddy was holding your hand as you both slept and Ethan was curled up at the foot of the bed. Even in our sleep we all need you close to us. When I got back, Daddy was up but Ethan had moved right up next to you and was hugging you tight. You are lucky to have him even though I know it must be hard sometimes not being able to wiggle out from his big hugs. He is your best friend and avid protector. Sometimes I forget he is only 5 because he has such a big role to fill. He tells us if you had a seizure we missed, helps you when you can’t quite get your head back up and helps you swallow when too much spit backs up. Last night he helped with that last one a lot. He also knows how much you look up to him and love him because when I tell him that I love him, he always says “not as much as Jakey does.” That is what is awesome about you – you don’t need to use your words to tell us you love us, you just let us know and we all feel pretty damn good about that.

More to come my little man.