Dear Jakey,
Yesterday was our big day. We did it. It was the half marathon in NYC and everything really fell nicely into place. The weather was great. The course was fun. And I just knew you were with me and we did it together. I was telling Daddy that I felt different yesterday than I had before other races. And I think there are two reasons for that. One is that somewhere in the last month when I increased my distances I realized that running was a nice time for me to think and talk to you. The other reason is that for the first time (and this is not necessarily a positive) I was able to start the race with Daddy and Ethan there at the starting line with me. And I wasn’t stressing or wondering if your meds went in okay or if you puked or if anything weird was going on. That worry wasn’t there anymore. It is a strange thing for me. But anyways, from the very start of the race I talked with you and thought about you. I didn’t use music so that it could really just be me and you. Right before the race went off I second guessed that but now I am happy with that choice. Every once in a while I would remind myself of your hip surgery that was over 6 hours long and I thought about how brave and awesome you were. And I thought that I would have to do the race three times over to endure that surgery and with that thought running it once didn’t seem so bad. Sometimes I got teary eyed because I just miss you so much and it makes me sad to think that I have to create these ways for us to be together now. And sometimes I wish I could look at it like Ethan does. He misses you but is also just so accepting that he will see you again. He knows the wait will be long but said to me that when he is in Heaven he won’t have to miss you anymore. For me it is harder to believe and accept. Last night we slept on the third floor – all of us. And Ethan was asking about the different football jerseys up there. I explained to him that one was Jim Kelly’s and I explained to him about his son, Hunter. His first reaction was a happy one that he bet you and Hunter were friends and playing now. I think you are too but it doesn’t make it any easier for me down here. But, thank you for yesterday little buddy. I could never have done it without you and I look forward to more long runs so we can have some time together free of distractions.
Lots of love,
Mommy