Dear Jakey,

At Target today I was in line behind a woman. She was talking to a man and I wasn’t really paying any attention until she said     ” …is having so many bad seizures” She was talking about her kid. She talked so matter of fact – the way only moms of kids with seizures can talk. When you are no longer as scared by them as you once were, or as people are when they don’t know someone with seizures or how many people can have in a day. And in that way where you keep talking about it, trying to normalize it but deep down you are still sort of petrified. She was optimistic – talking about med changes and how in a few months it would be under control. She knew that all changes take time with the brain – and it isn’t like you just ride it out for a few days, but that these ups and downs often come in multiple week or month blocks. She was matter of fact, yet still scared and she said what I said so many times in my life ” the brain is such a weird thing and we know nothing about it”. It felt weird listening to someone else talk about the things I used to focus on so much. And then it felt even weirder because I would trade places in a heartbeat. I would so happily deal with seizures now. Because if I was dealing with seizures you would be alive.

It isn’t any easier peanut. It is hard without you. I miss you a lot.