Dear Jakey,

This whole week has me thinking about you all the time. I keep trying not to get stuck in the moment you died but instead go to all the many moments before. This time of year seems so hard, maybe the hardest of all the “firsts” and I think because it is all getting closer to the worst thing ever. This Halloween will be another first. Daddy going to the IHG conference will be just me and Ethan, not you me and Ethan and somehow that seems so different. And we are coming up to the weekend when I think all things started to get funky with your bones. Anyways, this week I find myself looking at pictures and thinking about you in ways that seem even more intense than usual. And today, I felt you around or at least the symbols I have come to depend on as my communication with you seemed really obvious. When I went to go see you this morning the road was blocked with a big cherry picker. I was pissed and almost gave up but instead went in the other entrance. As soon as I crossed into the cemetery your puzzle went off and I took it as a sign that you were glad that I went in that way. And later today for the first time in so long, Ethan and I saw the cardinal.

And Jakey, the coolest thing happened to you this week. You got booed! Ethan is so excited because then he got booed by the same person. And we keep talking about it and wondering who it was and how you know who it was and we don’t! I miss you buddy, more than you could ever imagine.

Love,

Mommy