Dear Jakey,
I skied today with Miss Bridget. It is pretty strange being able to ski as much as I have lately – between Wednesdays at West and Saturdays at Gore, I have skied more this year then I have in the previous 15 years. And now throwing in some random week days with Miss Bridget – it seems pretty decadent. But in my crazy head I have turned it into something personal with you. On the slope alone , I have time to think in the fresh air, I feel closer to Heaven and therefore you. I feel like I can finish a thought. In regular life, I struggle with that and it is nice to just focus. Focus on you with no distractions.
This isn’t to say that I am not painfully aware of why I am able to ski so much, to take off in the middle of the week for 6 hours without responsiblity. It is because you left me. And while I sometimes feel like just sitting on the couch and crying, I know that isn’t what you would want. And we know that I can, and do, cry anywhere. I just want to do what you always did – make the best of shitty situations. So I am in a beyond shitty situation, and will be for the rest of my life, and when I can, I will do things like this again – I will ski, I will skate with Ethan after school, I will go to lunch with friends – and yes, I will even work. Just a little. But I should do the things I couldn’t and make the best of it, right? Another life lesson from you.
I miss you to pieces. Tomorrow is 2 months you are gone. We are meeting with two different lawyers and making headway in getting Jake’s Help From Heaven established. Seems fitting and I am proud of what we have accomplished in your honor these last two months. But I will also plan time to mourn you, to miss you and to be with Daddy.
Love,
Mommy