Dear Jakey,

Again, more time has passed than I like. And I sometimes think you get annoyed when I don’t write regularly. Maybe annoyed is the wrong word but I feel like you are all around telling me to write. And things are happening all around me that are so wound up in you. So, in no particular order:

  1. Last night Ethan really missed you. He was sadder than I have seen him in a long time and slept clutching your shirt. Sometimes I forget how hard it is on him too. And how strong he always tries to be so not to make me or Daddy sad. But we all miss you so much. He is reading this over my shoulder. Hard to believe he can read now – do you know how big he is getting? And he thanked me for telling you that he missed you so much.
  2. On Saturday we went to Confections in Chocolate. It is always a little difficult to be at EFNENY events just because your are so connected to it all. And it is totally bittersweet. We met all these great people because of you and now we are all still here but you are not. So it can be a little strange. Anyways, a boy named Joey was chosen as one of the winning kids. You met him at the strolls. Anyways, he was so brave and so great. His mom talked about Jake’s Help From Heaven because we helped them. And it really was such a nice surprise for us. And while it goes without saying that we would rather have you here it felt really good to have you be a part of it.
  3. Ethan has his first grade music show last night. Daddy was in FL for work and it felt so weird just going over to Lake Ave with Ethan. It was one of those moments that just struck me about how “easy” life is now. Easy in what I have to do, not easy to deal with. You not being there filled the room.
  4. this is from ethan! I got two stripes! in tae kwon do!
  5. Can you believe Ethan can type and write now? And how much he likes exclamation points?
  6. The cardinal has been everywhere. Yesterday Ethan and I watched it fly around for a long time with another bird. We were trying to figure out who your buddy was.
  7. I can’t believe it has been over 15 months since I have held you. I miss you so very much. It never gets better. It goes on but it never gets better.