Dear Jakey,

Good Morning my peanut. I miss you terribly. I felt pretty strong yesterday and then lost it last night in bed. It is so overwhelming sometimes trying to keep it together. It can be exhausting being out in the world and attempting to function and socialize.

Ethan and I talked a lot about Heaven last night. I guess you know that. Help it make sense to him. He loves that you are there without seizures. But he misses you. His prayers included “pray for Jakey in Heaven, right next to you.” How beautiful. He then kept repeating your name over and over, which I get. It is like trying to believe it and trying to make sure God is taking extra care of you all at once. Hunter’s mom sent me some books, Jakey. One is all about Heaven. I told Ethan I was reading it and as I learned more about it I would tell him what I learned. We both are comforted in trying to know more about where you are. I wonder if you found Hunter yet. I think that you two would really get along.

Jakey, I miss you so much. I can’t say it enough. I can’t even explain how much it takes for me to keep it together. To listen to everything everybody has to say. To put up with everyone else’s grief. But I am doing my best. I am staying strong because you did. And I am hanging on to the belief that there is a bigger plan and that one day we will all be together again. It seems so abstract but I do believe my peanut. I know you are there. I know you are happy. And I know that I love you so very much and will hug you again. Thanks for you strength and your visits. I wasn’t sure about last night but I know the night before you came. You give me strength.