Dear Jakey,

Ethan got his third stripe tonight so he will be able to test for green belt on Thursday. It was looking a little shaky there for a couple of weeks but he got it together. As I was watching him tonight, I was on the edge of my seat, so nervous for him. I am not usually like that but there is something about Tae Kwon Do that is different. And I think it has something to do with the fact that it is really the only thing that was started before you left us, but that you never got to experience. It makes me sort of sad that you never got to see your brother do his thing. He has been doing it for just over 10 months. For the most part, he takes it very seriously. And for the most part, he is quite good. It just seems weird that you were never there in your stroller or on my lap. It just didn’t lend itself to that. It is crowded and chaotic  – both in the old space and in the new space. And Daddy was usually the one to take Ethan and I usually stayed home with you. We cooked dinner and I fed you and we just did whatever we did. Once you left us and we started trying to figure out how to deal with life again, both Daddy and I ended up taking Ethan now. Or at least for the most part. Now it is almost a year later, and his fourth belt test is Thursday. He won’t be in the beginner classes anymore if he passes.  I will be sitting there all nervous on Thursday, biting my nails and looking away when I just can’t take it. And I guess what this really comes down to is that I am asking you to pay close attention to your brother that night – it is Thursday at 5:30-6:45 – and watch what he can do now. Help keep him confident  and help keep me calm. I miss you more than you know. And love you even more than that.

Love,

Mommy