Dear Jakey,
I write to you today with a very particular request. The request for tolerance. I lack it. I have for a long time but as of late it has gotten worse. I am about to pop with frustration and I know that is not right. I know people do what they can and it is not my place to judge but lately I have been so fed up with people and their inability to deal with their particular burdens. Being your mom has in many ways made me a much better person than I ever thought I could be, but it has also left me with a lack of patience and sympathy for others. So I write to you and ask you to help me. Remind me that not everyone has learned the lessons you taught me and remind me that I can’t be angry because people get stuck. That they rather get upset and hurt by the same old shit instead of figuring out how to take control and move on. That people think they are right and therefore overly opinionated. That people are hurtful without intending to be and often don’t recognize the hurt they cause. That I am guilty of all the things that are burning me up lately but that I am working so hard at being more tolerant. And at forgiving those who I need to forgive – even if they have no idea what they have done. I just am so sick and tired of people telling me they have learned so much from you and changed their lives when the truth is almost two years have passed and they really haven’t changed at all.
That is it. I am hoping talking to you will help me work through it. It usually does. I miss your father and wish he was already home. Help get him home as quick as possible.
I miss you so much.
Love,
Mommy
Saturday ~ September 29th, 2012
Dearest Heather, Brian, Ethan and Family:
I have just finished reading all of your letters to Jakey this morning. I must say that although sometime quite sad, I have learned from you and been reminded about what is most important in life, family. Your journey has impacted me in more ways that you will ever know. The love that prevails is a marvelous gift. Humanity, compassion, and understanding is all quite evident through your journey with your young family. It is my wish that I could now respond and help you through this all, just say something simple that will help to ease your sorrow and help you continue to move forward in love and faith.
I want you to know that it does get easier with time and love, however it is a difficult process to imagine right now. My personal experiece has taught me many lessons, but after reading all of your letters, I realize that in wanting to help you, I am now certain that you have helped me to understand so much more. I remain so very grateful to you for this.
Our son became an angel at the tender age of 6 in 1988, so I speak from a very personal experience and from the heartbreak that you are feeling. You all did your very best in such unfair circumstances and there should never be regret on your part. As parents and a family you all went above and beyond what any family could hope to do and all under extremely stressful circumstances.
Yes, the heartbreak is much too much to deal with and so very overwhealming, expecailly for a young sibling, especially for Ethan. I too have had to experience this and so I can tell you it is harder for them, than it is for us. They just appear to be quicker to adapt and accept things as the are.
Our older son was just 6 when he left us for his journey to heaven. Our younger son was 4. Even at the age of 4, When I had to tell our younger son that his brother was not coming back anf I would be so very sad, I remember our you son ‘s response. You still have me and this has helped me to see that although my family was now one member less, I had to look at the glass as being half full instead of empty.
Learning how to keep close to my heart, treasure for always, appreciate all those specfial moments as a family and preserve all those happy memories has helped me to move forward all these years into tomorrow.
My wish for you and your family is that you arrive at tomorrow, without all the pain and hold tight to all the happy memeories and love, to keep you centered. Let the love and faith be your compass to gently guide you into tomorow with all its uncertainty, tomorrow where your future as a family is surrounded by the comfort of family and friends, love and humanity and those special memories of Jakey that just make your hearts smile! : )
“All our yesterdays are blended into today and move forward with us into tomorrow!” (Lorraine Portelli 9/29/12)
“We can at any moment take a look back to see where we have been and the road we have already traveled, look at today to see where we are right now and realize that perhaps that is where we need to be at the present moment and appreciate it with all its imperfections, and realize that although tomorrow is not promised to anyone, tomorrow we will arrive with all our happy memories, our love for life and those we hold dear and our soul will greet each new day with optimism, compassion and faith to see all possibilites, as well as what has past and what may lie ahead in our journey called life.” (Lorraine Portelli 9/29/12)
God Bless You All For Always and Forever