Dear Jakey,

Hey buddy, Mommy misses you so very much. It has been one of those weird days where I just keep picturing you and trying to remember exactly what you felt like on my lap, or when I would put my cheek next to yours or when I would smother you with kisses. I can picture it all but I really want to feel it. And that is where it is just so weird and awful, because try as I might I can’t feel your skin. Imagining it is not the same. I just want your cheek up against mine, just for one more second.

Daddy and I brightened up your spot today. We added new flowers to your tree and made your path clear and wide. It seems like there is more snow in the forecast so we wanted it to look good before you got snowed on again. I am taking Ethan back over soon, before tae kwon do, and we are going to read a new book to you. Miss Sharon got Ethan the book No Matter What and I think you will like it too. Ethan was saying it was too cold and we should wait until summer but we will brave it for you my little man.

Another weird thing happened today – well, not so much weird but just another “first”. I took Ethan to see Dr. Hawthorne for his well visit. We donated your nebulizer to them. It seemed odd being there without you. Another example of life being too damn easy. But on the flip side, Daddy and I have big ideas going for you. We are going to make you so proud and hopefully this week we can make some real progress. I just need to keep my days not so filled so I can do what I need to do. In the meantime, maybe you can visit me in a dream or something soon. Remind me how you feel up against my skin.