Dear Jakey,

Yesterday was 8 months. And it was quite a day. Each one of these milestones hit me different and yesterday was real emotional. And everywhere I went yesterday your puzzle wouldn’t stop playing. And I chose to think of it as your way of keeping close to me. And that you knew how much I needed you.

Today also brings a fundraiser for Jake’s Help From Heaven. It is this strange combination of pride and devastation that I face these events. I feel so happy that people have embraced you even more now and through you we can do good things. But then I get pretty sad because I can’t quite get over the price we paid and continue to pay. I can’t get used to life without you. And I don’t want to.  But Jakey, I am counting on you today to let us know you approve. A lot of your people will be there – Abue, Miss Briana, Miss Kelly and Miss Bridget and Miss Heath, or Heatheses as your brother liked to call her. And Miss Cynthia just text me that she’ll be there too! And friends who love you but didn’t know you as well – Amy,  and Kevin’s mom, Kaitlyn from t-ball – remember her?. And Julie and Colleen. And new friends that just know your story and know what we are trying to do, like Miss Natalie who you would love. She has that energy that you used to respond to. So know that you will be making a difference today, my love. And that Mommy will be thinking of you each and every second.

Lots and lots of love,