Today is a sad day. I can’t believe you have been gone two months – two months since I held you, snuggled you, fed you, bathed you, did anything with you. There isn’t a lot to say that hasn’t been said. We are all struggling. Ethan has been crying throughout the night. And when you ask him why, it is you. This morning he pointed to the spot on the rug in front of the fireplace, the place where we knew there was serious problem – when I put you there when you stopped breathing so that I could try to help you. It is like that place is forever etched in our minds as really where life as we knew it ended. On the way to see you this morning he said that he wished you just had a really bad seizure so that you would be in the hospital but then come home. I know so many people pray for no more seizure but for us that would have been much better than what happened. With seizures you would still be here.
In the mail today I got a letter from St. Clements. They send us nice letters about grief and things. Today’s started with the following quote from Washington Irving that really is fitting for today, particularly the part about unspeakable love.
There is sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness but power.
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition,
and of unspeakable love.
Love to you in Heaven,