Dear Jakey,

Yesterday I wore a shirt that I have worn many times but as I was folding laundry I looked up and over our bed is that big canvas of the four of us last Easter (2010). And it that picture I was wearing the shirt I was wearing yesterday. And I was holding you. And all I could think about was that once upon a time you had leaned up against it and it just about broke my heart, again.

It is so hard without you here Jakey. I have the same pictures on the ledge above the sink. There is one new one that I had printed for your funeral but other than that they are the same – the one from your 3rd birthday at the Museum of Natural History which will always be one of , if not my favorite family photo. And the one that got me last night was the one of you on my lap in Montreal on the duck boat. Your are wearing your green and brown button down – the same one Ethan wore on his very first day at Beagle School so many years ag0 – and you are just chilling with me. As I was doing dishes last night, that one just took my breath away.

And then Daddy called me just a few minutes ago and told me what he heard on the radio. They had the top three names for boys who end up being “Mama’s boy” and guess what 2 of the 3 names were?  Jake and Alexander , can you believe it??? – it was in your destiny buddy – you and I were bonded from the very beginning. Your name was pretty clear to us early on – not the same lists and conversations as with figuring out Ethan’s name. We just knew Jake (NOT Jacob) was the name for you. And that is just another reason why I am so empty without you.