Dear Jakey,
I am making a promise to you because that is the only way I may follow through on my word. It has been a personal goal of mine to bring these letters back on a consistent basis because I spend so much time talking about you and our 4 years together and it makes me miss you even more.
I talk about our life together so much lately and it makes me remember things – some so vividly. Memories are always funny and it makes me wonder if mine are accurate and I wonder what your remember or think about your life here on Earth.
Do you remember when Daddy and I had the doctors lower your meds so that you could be a more active participant in your life? And how there was a moment when you got so annoyed with us and cried so loud? And Daddy and I were so happy that you cried? We cried because you felt something and even if it was sadness or anger we loved you reacting.
And when Xavier had you on the firetruck and you seemed so happy? I love that picture so much and to me, that was such a good OT session. You were so particpatory and seemed to love that truck.
Sometimes I wonder if the memories are real, or if the way I remember them are accurate.
Do you remember the good times we had, or tried to have with you? The adventures we took you on, Ethan’s games we would take you to, and all those who loved you and took such good care of you. Do you remember the snuggles? And how you would lift your nose and snear at me when I was loving on you too much?
My pinky promise to you is that as I have these memories and especially when I share so many of your stories with the world, I will share them with you. And when I think about all the things we wish you were a part of I will be sure to loop you in. Sometimes it is easier in the moment to forget and keep you out of the loop but the reality is when I let that happen in hurts more in the long term.
Talk to you in a day or two.
With love,
Mommy