After Kelsey died, I blamed myself. I replayed every decision, every appointment, every moment. I thought I was prepared to fight for her—I wasn’t prepared to lose her. Grief didn’t just touch my life, it unraveled it. And for a long time, I didn’t know how I’d ever come back from that. This is the part of motherhood no one talks about.

When Jude needed emergency surgery, there wasn’t time to process—just to act. That’s the reality of parenting a medically complex child. It’s not just the big surgeries or diagnoses—it’s the constant decisions, the fear of missing something, the exhaustion of always being on alert. But somehow, through it all, there’s still joy. There’s still love. And there’s a strength I never knew I had until I became Jude’s mom.