Letters to Jakey

souls and signs

Dear Jakey, You have been on my mind even more lately if that is even possible. It seems so strange that we are about to have our 2nd Christmas without you. It's been weird and kind of uncomfortable getting ready for it. It's like I feel guilty planning for the whole...

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letting go

Dear Jakey, It has been a while since I wrote again. And it is my own fault. My last letter to you was about things that haven't changed since you left us. And of course, as soon as I finished writing it all I could think about are all the very many ways things HAVE...

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5 things

Dear Jakey, Today a lot of things entered my mind that I think you should know. So in no particular order: 1. Your clothes are still in the closet you used to share with Ethan. Not as many of the shirts since I had the quilt made but all your pants and sweaters and...

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touch

Dear Jakey, It's funny because I was waiting so long for the 8th to pass and now it has. And I am not sure what I expected but nothing is different. Passing that milestone makes nothing easier, nothing better, nothing at all different. It makes me think that it will...

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honor

Dear Jakey, So the time has come and we are in Lake Placid. We got here last night and have a pretty perfect room right on the lake with lots of space and treats waiting for us when we checked in. It immediately made me think that you would have liked it. Had you been...

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one year

Dear Jakey, So it has been a full year, almost to the minute that you left me. I am actually sort of happy that some of the exact times are lost on me - it was around 6:30 that things got ugly last year and I think it was around 8:01 that your death certificate said...

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fighters

Dear Jakey, The other day, another little fighter went up to Heaven. It has been on my mind pretty much non-stop for the last few weeks that I have been following her story. It makes me think of you and of her family. Her mom and dad that are getting used to a new...

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not knowing

Dear Jakey, A week from today is December 8th, a week from yesterday is the night you died. Tonight is the Victorian Stroll. We didn't go last year because it was cold and you were in a spica and it seemed too damn hard. We didn't know it would've been your last...

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Lake Placid

Dear Jakey, I write to you tonight mostly because I just want to remind you how much I love you and how much I miss you. We are getting awfully close to a year without you. Tonight while I sat in the playroom with Jake Muffin, I looked at some photos on the wall. One...

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Gratitude

Dear Jakey, Happy Thanksgiving a day late. It was our first without you, although that is not entirely accurate. You were with us, if you weren't I don't think I would have been able to relax and enjoy it as much as I did. You continue to be so incredibly present with...

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