Dear Jakey, The way in which we try to hang on to our life with you can make the simplest things so hard. I say this not to make you sad but to know the impact you continue to have on everything that we do. Today we got a new couch delivered. Our old couch ~ the couch...

Dear Jakey, Another long lapse between letters. No excuses other than life is hard. And this journey we are on without you is constantly changing. Just when I think I have a grip on life without you something changes, or something matters more, or something just...

Dear Jakey, I write to you today with a very particular request. The request for tolerance. I lack it. I have for a long time but as of late it has gotten worse. I am about to pop with frustration and I know that is not right. I know people do what they can and it is...

Dear Jakey, I've been struggling lately with happiness. I try pretty hard to be happy and in the moment but the startling realization that you are gone always pops up. And dulls the happiness. The beginning of the school year seemed particularly difficult. The...

Dear Jakey, Yesterday we went back to church. For whatever reason/excuse, we haven't gone all summer and truthfully probably not since May. And now that school is starting up again, I was really feeling that we needed to get it back on our priority list. So we did....

Dear Jakey, Sometimes, as time passes, I find myself really truly stuck. Stuck in this place where life goes on and you are not in it. Stuck between happiness and guilt. And really stuck in sadness. There is so much change happening and it all seems so strange to not...

Dear Jakey,You, my sweet boy, were ever-present today. The day started early with me and Ethan visiting a JHFH family. We went to pick up some things that belonged to Xavier and we spent some time with his grandmother. And before that we made our morning visit with...

Dear Jakey,Thursday night you were in my dream. It was the first time in a long time that you were there and the first time in a very long time that it was a good dream. Not just a different version of the death dream. Anyways, you were you.  You were cute as a button...

Dear Jakey, I wonder what it is like on your end. I talk and talk and talk to you all day long in my head. And I feel like you hear but I wonder what it is like for you. I have been struggling on some sort of almost existential level with death. I can't stop thinking...