Dear Jakey, I had what I thought to be a decent day. We kept busy. We saw you. And I talked to you a lot. I really thought I was coming to terms with things. I felt good and strong. I felt good about the way I was trying to make sense of things. We are going to take...

Dear Jakey, Your brother should be home in about 10 minutes and then we will bring him to see you. He looks forward to it each day I think and I like the routine. This morning we were talking about you. He wanted to know if you ate gum in Heaven. I said you did. And I...

Dear Jakey, I wonder how many times I will look for you on the couch, expecting to see you propped up in your corner with pillows because of the spica? Or even forget about the spica and expect to see you in your chair or asleep on the couch? During dinner tonight I...

Dear Jakey, Today is another day that I need to get used to a life without you. It seems so weird to me. I woke up at 2:30 again and felt less sure that you were there than the other night. It may have been you because I did manage to get some more sleep. But then the...

Dear Jakey, Thank God I started these letters. I have always had them brewing in my head and once I started writing them down I felt better. Better because I felt a direct line of communication with you. Just between you and me. And now I try to believe that the same...

Dear Jakey, Daddy is upstairs showering. I am sitting here, not sure what to do. It is time to get ready for your viewing. How do I do that? I am listening to Ethan and Sarena make videos for you on Daddy's phone. Blowing you kisses and telling them how much they love...

Dear Jakey, I am home. I just made Ethan's breakfast and I can only sit. Each day has gotten harder. I wonder when or if it will ever get easier. Everything about this morning is making me miss you so much I want to scream, punch, throw, puke and everything else. I...

Dear Jakey, I write this next to you as I always did in the past. Although something is terribly different. I am here next to your body but your soul has left me. Left us. It is in heaven and while I know and believe you are so much more comfortable I hate that you...

Dear Jakey, All we have been talking about lately is you, your cast, your seizures, if your sick, if your junky, if you'll get pneumonia, and on and on and on. I have decided that it is time to change the focus, starting here with your Mom. Now that doesn't mean that...

Dear Jakey, What this all comes down to is that I really just wish I could switch places with you. I hate when I get the sense that you are so uncomfortable but I don't really have a clue at what is going on. And the unknown makes a momma worry. At least with you, it...